Sum It Up Sunday - Angry and Furious
When I was a teenager I was angry most of the time. Our family didn’t have a lot of money and there were a whole bunch of us teenagers in that house, all going through hormonal spikes and uncertainty because my father was not around and had taken most of the money when he left.
Self-harm was a part of those years, and well into college, as I tried to feel something other than anger and frustration. I would punch walls and beat my ankles with my soccer spikes when I felt the most frustrated with my life.
It is a very rare thing for my temper to flare up these days. Sobriety, therapy, and coping mechanisms have worked together to help me quell it, although it isn’t gone altogether. It is an emotion, after all, one that I believe to be very valid and true.
Now, because my life is often weird, it shows up at the weirdest times. A broken fingernail gets me anxious and furious. Yep, furious. Which is why I have nail files tucked away in my car and bag, to settle that foolishness down.
When I lose things I used to be very self-critical with myself. I’m not sure if it’s getting older and more experienced mixed with the things I mentioned that help me not lose my shit when that happens. Just recently I lost my sunglasses. Now, I lose things or leave them behind on the regular (like I mentioned in this past blog post). I’m like an absent-minded professor in that way. So I just sighed this latest time and waited it out. I bought myself a new pair at the thrift store and waited to see if they would show up.
And they did. They were in the water bottle pocket of my book bag. The book bag I completely emptied when looking for them. Doh!
I had to laugh at myself then. I would rather save my anger and fury for the times I feel it’s most needed. When action is required. I’m not going to give that emotion any energy unless there is a payoff. I’ll march, work hard at getting diverse voices on the program, and vote as my conscience tells me. My anger now fuels that.
So that’s me and how I deal with it. How about you? Let me know in the comments section below.